Thursday, December 08, 2005

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell
today, as an additional 1/4 centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell,
bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of
dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect
that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts
from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the
almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to
double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for
emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them
through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian
Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur lined sandals.
Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and
several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four
wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast
implants. Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority
reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25

"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor
Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could
sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."

-Sent to me this morning in an email


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